To Pursue On Purpose

We knew that our blog, Everything With A {PURPOSE}, would be only that, the point is to share only when you have something to share and not for the sake of sharing just because. So, we’ve taken a hiatus for the last two months after writing Leave Your Suitcase At The Door. It was like I didn’t have anything else to say. Period. There is no way to be sure how many times I’ve read it over and over again, almost surprised at myself and at how perfectly written it is. It exactly reveals that day to a T. I poured my soul out into that blog and I haven’t had anything else anywhere near as profound to say since. And that’s ok.

It was a time to stop talking and do a lot of listening, observing, watching. Oh, the treasures this has brought and the amazing amount of epiphanies that come at a time when you’re taking in information with very little output. Fascinating how quickly you reconnect with your intuition, when you’re this inquisitive and paying attention for the answers.


It was important to quiet all of the noise for a while. Writing is impossible when you’re in this kind of transition. So we did a lot of reading, writing in a journal and something we find so helpful that we encourage all people to really do – talk it all through with your spouse and those closest to you. I sat on my mat a lot. I meditated a lot. We read and we watched a lot of interviews with people who inspired us and even watched a few flicks.

One of those flicks Colin and I were watching was ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ with Will Smith. Colin had seen it before but not for years and I hadn’t seen it at all. We want to share our perspective of the whole concept.

Everyone suffers the exact same way, it’s just different.

We all suffer. You’re not special. I’m not special. We’re not special. Suffering is the human condition and no one gets to skip pain, or pleasure, for that matter. It’s a fundamental part of humanness. It’s why we strive to do and be better humans – which is why this movie is so appropriately named. Happiness is not ever something you can weigh, hold, shackle or chain. You are only ever in the pursuit of it.

Think of emotions the same way. Nothing lasts forever – emotions all end. Pleasure, pain, sorrow, delight, and even laughter. We live somewhere in between happy and sad most of the time with a pendulum that swings sometimes to the far right and sometimes to the far left.

Nothing anyone does is because of you

Everything anyone ever does is because of them. This is one of the hardest lessons I have had to face yet, understanding that I am completely in control of myself – because for many years I have felt out of control. You can’t hone in that control until you realize that YOU have it. Not one single other person is to blame for your failures, nor are they to blame for your successes.

You know when you read something so profound and you think, damn! That was so obvious! That’s because it is completely obvious and you’ve heard the thing time and time again but maybe you weren’t ready to hear it.

In the movie, Christopher asks his dad, “Did mommy leave because of me?”, to which his dad responds, “No! Mommy didn’t leave because of you. Mommy left because of mommy’.

This really was a layered lesson and one that we have spent many a night lately chatting about, usually propped up in bed with a glass of wine as we wind down – we’re not those normal humans who do that in the living room. Colin especially just loves to be in our bedroom space. So we talk a lot about understanding that our actions and thoughts are all chosen by us. Reactions – still us. Someone calls you a bitch and you immediately get mad? You chose to give them power over who you actually think you are. Are you a bitch? Right? Does it even matter if you are or if you aren’t? The answer is no.

What if you go one step further. Our emotional pain attached to another human being is our own doing and finally realizing that you’re in control of this – even though initially it sounds like complete madness – I know. If Tonia continually allowed herself to grieve the loss of a mother, or more accurately, whatever she felt like a mother ought to be, that is her choice entirely and no one else can make her continue to grieve this. The actions causing the pain aren’t there anymore. Pain is actually gone now, but the suffering isn’t IF she chooses not to let it go.


We haven’t learned the lesson of the pursuit of happyness yet.

Today, while driving around, a thought occurred. The only moment I am living in is now and there is no immediate threat, no pain, no joy. Contentment is here in this moment now as you read through this blog. Contentment is knowing that what happened isn’t happening anymore and it’s not happening again. The moment, the person, the pain, pleasure, grief… it’s been gone for a long time and it’s time to close the door and keep on going. Ready to pursue the next moment of life – happiness and sadness in their varying degrees must ebb and flow and happen as we move through life. That’s it – as simple as that.


You don’t need a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a lover, a husband, a wife, a dog, a preacher, a mantra, a yoga pose. We were blaming something else for our ‘un’ happiness, because we’re really busy believing that we can hold happiness in our hands and one day arrive ‘there’ and forevermore live in this bliss.


You’re already there in every moment that you forgive, move on, take a step forward, read a book, kiss your spouse, wash your hair, sing to one of your favourite songs, drink your favourite glass of wine with the perfect cheese pairing, float in the lake, smell the scent of your favourite essential oil diffusing as you write in your favourite blog.



There’s been a lot of reflection happening in our home. We say, “I’m so proud of you” to one another, like, a LOT right now. There’s a spiritual growth spirt happening here and it’s why we’ve been so quiet. We’re not saying anything that someone else has already said – we’re just putting it out there in a someone-already-said-it-and-we’re-just-repeating-it-in-our-own-words kinda way.

Try spending some time in contentment appreciating the pendulum, knowing that everything, including emotion, is temporary. We’ll all enjoy the pursuit much better this way.


With Purpose,

T & C

14 Comments on “To Pursue On Purpose

  1. We give so much power to others with our emotions. The Four Agreement: second agreement, do not take anything personally! ( that is a tough one) This is an ongoing practice for me. I agree also with we need to be quiet a bit more to listen to our intuition, too much sweeping under carpets with an attitude of attending to it later.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s a concept that can seem impossible until just one day it clicks. I know because I had been so close minded. A lot of “ya, well, you!”. Once you find clarity it’s gut wrenching how much of our power we can so freely, blindly give away. This time spent being quiet was a very transformational time for both of us – and you are right, not taking anything personally is a tough one indeed!


  2. This was so interesting! I really want to take a break from my blogging at the moment but we put so much pressure on ourselves to just carry on until we run dry! I also really love the images in this post, where did you find the one of the little girl bending down to the flowers? x

    Liked by 1 person

    • It was important to take a step back for a while and I’m glad we did. You’re right, we do put a lot of expectation on ourselves and time after time (with 28 drafts to prove it) not one post was filled with purpose. They felt empty, forced. So, we took a step back and now we’re ready again to share. All of our photos are from stock images from a few different places. For this blog in particular we liked the idea of using black and white imagery so that the emotion was more captivating. So glad to hear that for you, it was!

      Liked by 1 person

      • When we break for awhile, whether on purpose or dictated by life events, we can come back more refreshed with new insights. Your thoughts are flowing and directional. By that I mean that you know where you are headed in this life, and enjoying the ride, whether it’s smooth or bumpy!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks so much for this comment, Helen. You’re right in that sometimes we choose the break and sometimes life does this for you. I like your final thought – you’re bang on!


    • Absolutely! This is exactly our idea of happiness that we talk about in this particular post. It’s impossible to maintain anything all the time. Nothing is permanent.


  3. When I decided to plunge my savings into the cafe I knew it would open up a whole host of new OCD habits and had to take a step away from blogging to make sure I had the necessary head space to deal with it. Happy to say I’m coming out of the other side now!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Congratulations! Taking the time and space from one thing to offer it to another, as long as it’s progress, is definitely ok. Glad you’re settling back in now and that the cafe is working out for you.


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