We’ve been so serious lately.
Let’s have some fun and talk to you about six ways in our short (almost) six years together when we were on the pursuit of happiness and making the very most of the ebbs and flows. Some serious, and some not so much.
We celebrated our first anniversary together as a couple by traveling to Belize for 16 days in August of 2012. It was actually this trip that solidified our relationship and where we both decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We had to overcome a lot together on this trip and we learned not only what we loved about one another but what lengths we were willing to go to take care of each other, too. We left our phones and any other electronic device at home and spent 16 amazing days with only a digital camera (remember those?!) a friend had lent us, our backpacks, bathing suits and flip flops.
We learned how to always have each other’s backs, how to really enjoy one another and how to turn off everything else in order to really turn on for just us. There is magic in our travels together and it’s no surprise that the most important thing to us is to be able to build our business up to the point where we can travel the world when and how we choose. This is our greatest desire. It’s when we’re absolutely, undoubtedly, at our very best. After Belize we have added Phoenix, Las Vegas, Paris, Torino, Cinque Terre, San Gimignano and Nice to this list. To be continued…
We didn’t realize that for most of our lives – both together as a couple and separately, how we had been pushing against resistance. Ummm, guys! That’s only making it worse!
We pushed against resistance in relationships, each other and in our jobs until we started to understand the value of focusing on maximizing relationships that are really important and learning to let others go. Accept that resistance is letting you know that there’s probably a better way to go than upstream through the current. Less force means less suffering.
When we planned our wedding it took an entire year to put together something that just didn’t quite feel right to us. We kept being met with resistance from people, about the venue, things going wrong, little things, but still, we knew it was just wrong. As soon as we stopped pushing against resistance and making things harder for ourselves we noticed that what we really wanted to do was easier than what we really didn’t want to do in the first place.
We did a complete 180, changing the venue and the whole look of the wedding and everything fell into place within five days. A whole year and a half of planning a wedding we didn’t want – and five days for everything to magically fall into place when we started doing what was right for us. We rented a cabin in Nordegg, Alberta for 2.5 weeks and threw the reception there. We strung lights all over the beautiful A framed cabin along the front of the wrap around patio and we laughed, cried, hugged, kissed and danced into the night.
Starting our business – and thinking we were going to be successful right out of the gates – that was hard but also so crucial to the people we have become. Understanding that we were going into this business, however, to stick with it forever was what helped us the most. We might have given up a hundred times by now if we hadn’t committed so strongly to being entrepreneurs together.
Not only did we firmly believe in the products we were using and sharing with our people, but we were done pouring all of our passion and drive into someone else’s business and dream for very little return on investment. Every time we went to our jobs we were investing our time and efforts into someone else’s idea and when we first began talking about this business neither of us were at a point in our then careers where we were valued in our positions any longer. It was time to stop pushing against resistance once again.
One month after we were married we invested $200 in a Premium Starter Kit that acted like the kindling in a fire having waited years to be started. We lit the match and every since we have been adding more wood to this desire we have to build our business while helping our people to do the very same thing. We grow and new people bring new ideas, thoughts, love, support and then we grow a little more. It is amazing. Being an entrepreneur and helping to build dreams with other entrepreneurs brings us both more happiness than we’d ever expected.
It’s no longer lonely and disappointing when you stop depending on other people. The only person that can make or break your life – is you. The only other person looking out for my best interest – is my partner. It’s just the two of us, truly – and when we put positive energy into this idea and focused on what we want for us, life became infinitely better. We stopped worrying about all of these friends we didn’t have, places we hadn’t gone, you know – what we were lacking. How in the hell is this making our lives better? We always had each other’s backs but continually wanted someone else to have it, too? Geez, no wonder we were so unhappy. This is seriously what our self-talk was about when we weren’t aware of it.
So, we got quiet and started doing a lot more listening. Next we just focused on what was right in front of us. We spend a lot of time, us humans, thinking about what we don’t have and it’s heartbreaking. Realizing that it’s only the two of us to depend on one another has changed our perspective to all of the amazing things we do have right here, right now. It gave the space to really think about where worry, anxiety and other troubling thoughts or emotions were coming from.
Only the two of us means that there is only one other person in this world that we can fully trust and rely on besides ourselves. We no longer feel the need to put expectations onto others – because it’s unfair for everyone, first of all, and we only become upset when others don’t follow through. Right? If people say they are going to do something and they do it, great! Less expectation, less resistance, less force, less suffering. More excellent quality relationships, more pure and unwavering love, more self-love, more pursuing. And at the end of the day, it’s always been just us and it always will be and when there’s more, we’ll be so full with plenty to share. The door is open.
Acknowledging that we have pain that needed to be worked through was difficult. Sickness was manifesting – which is exactly what happens when you do not have emotional wellness. So, we actively started seeking wellness books, returning to yoga practices, focusing on our self-talk and learning how to use our essential oils to help support us on our journey. We actually just taught an entire workshop on emotional wellness with our team based on the emotional blends we all have used in supporting ourselves because of how powerful they can be.
Becoming better people meant we’d have to give up some things. Limiting beliefs, for starters, and then there’s comparing ourselves to others (we have done this so much with our business and it’s a huge no-no), self-criticism and so on. Have you actually ever really listened to the way you talk to yourself? Awareness is where we are at, and creating the space we need to be real with ourselves so that we can live the life we really want to live. You know how the saying goes, you can’t help others until you learn to help yourself. This is a never ending lesson you commit to learning every single day.
Then we found that we had to learn to give ourselves permission to actually have the things we wanted. Wine. Time to relax. We had to learn to give ourselves permission to seek to have exactly what we wanted. What’s important to you? You need to check in and constantly be aware of the ebb and flow because what’s important to you will always change as you grow. Being open about how you really feel and who you really are – oh, and what you really want. Be confident.
We have both always wanted to live our lives on our own terms and do what makes us happy. Weird, right? Of course not! Do you know what makes most of us unhappy? Doing things because other people want us to when we especially don’t want to because it doesn’t make us happy. This can seem selfish – because it is! And do you know what the best part about that is? It’s perfectly ok to be selfish. We’re not harming anybody by saying, “No thank you, I don’t want to”. Then why don’t we say it more often?
Life is hauntingly short. Most of the people I love are dead, and I’m not exaggerating. Colin and I talk a lot about how we are grateful to be growing older and how it is a privilege. What little time we do have here, we want to make sure we live it intentionally now that we understand that we can have anything we want to have. In order to do this, we have to be comfortable saying no when we mean no. Don’t do the things you don’t want to do. You will go with regret and resentment, which doesn’t help anyone. Instead, show up when you want to go to the event, the concert, the dinner party, whatever it is.
The second part to this equation for us is doing things even though you know that it’s hard – quitting our jobs, moving out to the Okanagan – that was hard. It was simple but it wasn’t easy. And guess what? We’re alive. We are happy to have made the changes even though they were scary. That’s what keeps us stagnant though, is our fear. So we stay where we are in order to know that tomorrow will look the same as yesterday and the day before that. This is purpose-less. Mundane un-happiness. We were always so frustrated and bored. We weren’t tapping into courage.
So we started saying no and all of a sudden we were on our next leg of the journey in pursuit of happiness. We want to live with intention and purpose, because if we don’t, the cost will be too high.