Up your peer group

Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future – Dan Pena

Unbeknownst to me I had begun this process years before I heard this statement. I had a circle of friends that I had hung out with since I was 16 years old. We did EVERYTHING together…which to be fair was mostly partying. As I got older and some unfortunate drama occurred in my life I was forced to question the relationships that I kept. It was hard for me to trust anyone and worst of all I was becoming a shell of the person I used to be. I was constantly approval seeking from them and I felt alone in their company. Worst of all it was taking a huge toll on my relationship with Tonia.

I needed to make a change…and it was hard

We often hear about the importance of cleaning up the food we eat or the products we use or maybe even the mindset that we have but I find it rare that you hear about cleaning up the relationships that you keep. Maybe its because its controversial or maybe its because sometimes, as in the case with Tonia, you have to say goodbye to family. It is however, in my opinion, the most important step to take if you are striving for more in life.

I want to be clear, I’m not suggesting that you go and tell all your friends and family to take a hike. If you are happy and content with your life then you’ve won as far as I am concerned. This message is for those that are unhappy with their circumstances and want to do something to move forward.

Here’s a quick tip: surround yourself with the people you want to be like. Its that easy!

How do I find my people?

For Tonia and I it was simple. We want to be business professionals and online marketers. We want to be influencers and mentors. We want to have extraordinary experiences and deep relationships.

The world is so well connected these days that meeting people has never been easier. You can connect with people on Facebook groups, forums, blogging communities (hello all my new friends!) its literally endless

For me I wanted a mentor! I wanted someone who would take me under their wing and help guide me through my shit. Problem was I didn’t actually know of anyone. Then one day I realized that there are so many people teaching online that I could just connect with them. There are also so many online influencers to follow and mentor myself with that I don’t even necessarily need to be friends with them for their thoughts to rub off on me. Ill give you an example:

Remember that quote at the beginning of this blog? That statement was made by Dan Pena. They call Dan the 50 Billion Dollar man because he has helped coach other businessmen into acquiring an estimated 50 Billion Dollars in wealth. Dan accredits a large part of his success to his no bullshit, militaristic style of coaching. He yells, swears, makes people cry, sometimes even slaps his mentees. Yup, he actually puts his hands on you if he thinks you need it.

Dan gives most if not all of his coaching away for free except for one specialized coaching program. The cost is upwards of $20,000 and he will fly you out to Guthrie Castle (Yes, Dan lives in a castle). The intention is to have you touch, see, smell and experience opulence at a level that you have never known before with the hopes that this will rub off on you. While this sort of lifestyle is not for everyone the methodology makes complete sense.

Guthrie Castle
You will spend one week in this castle with Dan where he makes you wear a 3 piece suit to his 12 hour per day seminars. From there you receive 1 year worth of weekly check ups and accountability coaching from Dan himself. Its said that his emails are sent in ALL CAPS AND IN RED which given his personality is not surprising to hear.

He is loud, super aggressive, very alpha male and something that I am not. I am quiet, shy, meek, not opinionated and well…a door mat. And its because of these traits that I had been taken advantage of my whole life. Its how I lost those friends that I spoke of earlier. I was betrayed and made a fool right in front of all of them but because I was so weak they knew they could do it to me. I needed to learn more assertiveness and have self respect in order to get closer to the life that I wanted. So, I started mentoring myself through Dan’s teachings and words!

I listened to every interview I could find of Dan’s. I read every book or blog of his that I could find. I immersed myself in all of his work for a good 8 months as to absorb the parts of his personality that I wanted for my own. Something pretty amazing began to happen…people started treating me with more respect.

Its amazing how things change when you become more self respectful and assertive. I think I confused assertiveness with aggression. Being assertive raises the bar for yourself and the things you want out of life. Aggression is throwing a temper tantrum when you don’t get those things or are met with challenges along the way. As an example: one of the ‘rules’ that I have set forth for myself and others is that I do not disrespect someones time and I also expect that in return. If I have a phone call scheduled or a meeting scheduled for 10 am then that meeting or phone call begins promptly at 10 am. Not 9:59 and not 10:01. Another great quote (I can’t even remember where I heard it from) is ‘you are either on time, or you are late!’

I’ve actually cancelled meetings with people because they were 5 minutes late. Yea, I could have brushed it off and just sat down with them anyways but by allowing that sort of behaviour to be acceptable you are setting a standard. The funny thing is once I made it clear I do not accept tardiness people started showing up on time. Assertive…not aggressive! This is just one of the MANY lessons that I have learned through my online self mentoring. I wont show up for meetings late, so you best not either!

More on this topic later…

With Purpose,




8 Comments on “Up your peer group

  1. this was such interesting reading and very timely for me! I’m going to look dan up, he sells like quite a force of nature!! … I’ve actually got a session with a life coach next week… Taking practical steps to move things forward but doing the same thing in my personal life!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dan’s not for the faint of heart and I have to admit, I didn’t like him when I first heard his words. Eventually, something toughened up inside of me and I realized that he was so angry with people because he knew they could accomplish so much more. His anger was out of frustration for the rest of us ‘coasting’ through life.

      Not the softest approach but something I needed to hear at the time


  2. If you want to succeed you have to be assertive and get out there and grab the opportunity that comes your way. I started to filter certain people out of my life around 4 years ago, they were dragging me down to somewhere I just didn’t want to be. It’s no surprise I have gone on to start two successful businesses since walking away. I know you will go on to make a huge success of your lives together too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The power of your peer group is the most important element for me. Its amazing how fast things improve when you start hanging out with more successful or open minded or forward thinking people. It cant help but rub off on you


  3. Totally agree with you about the benefits of surrounding yourself with the people you want to be like. It can be hard breaking free of your past and past relationships, but it’s definitely something worth doing if you’re not happy with how things currently are.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Its a necessary as far as im concerned. Often hard to recognize as well because some of the relationships that I used to have were disguised as friendships but in reality were nothing more than anchors. Youre right, its not easy to break free, I felt guilty when cutting ties with some people but it was what was required in order to move forward. I hope others can learn the same for themselves


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