Both Colin and I have been diving into our own spirituality a lot more lately. For myself, it’s been about reaching back into my past and uncovering or revisiting the woman I was becoming before influences of peers and noise redirected my path in another direction. As a young woman, pre teens and all throughout my teenage years, I was fascinated with astrology and spirituality. I also read many a Silvia Brown book back in my day, so curious about mediums and their ideas in relation to past, and even future lives. My intuition as a child was magical, but I also didn’t really understand it very well so at times it was a bit scary to me.
I don’t really remember exactly when I put all of this away. It must have happened gradually. Looking back, I can’t be upset about all of the time in between, but I can be grateful that my path led me back. Recently I’ve been finding myself very attracted to all things, put very affectionately, witchy. I want all of the crystals and stones, I am finding myself reading and studying my Tarot cards nearly everyday, and tonight I made my own smudge kit with fresh rosemary from my friend’s garden. What I would typically do is ignore those attractions and say things like, “not right now”. However, lately the magnetic force to these things is so strong that I just can’t ignore it anymore. I’m quite literally being pulled so hard towards these things that you can sometimes find me with my face smooshed up against books about something witchy trying desperately not to look so I don’t fall in love. That magnet is humungous.
I am connecting with groups of people who are all loving the same things as me and in these groups I am totally, 100%, unfiltered, raw me. The more I spend time in there, the more I am 100% unfiltered, raw me all of the time, everywhere.
All of these things make me really happy. They excite me. Why? I thought about this on the drive home from Vancouver today with a giant bag of freshly harvested rosemary from Geoff’s patio garden that he’d put aside for me. I’m slowly figuring out my own language again, awakening my intuition and following my heart. Decision making isn’t a painstaking process anymore because I’m developing this complete trust in myself – when you dig this deep, you heal some real shit you don’t recognize is way down at the root!
Relationships and friendships are stronger and better connected now. Intentions are always so good. I feel full almost all of the time, but in a good way. My interactions with people are kinder, more loving and to my surprise (and anyone who has known me for more than five minutes), I actually have a tiny bit (let’s not get wild over here) of patience. Now that is progress.
So now I have an entire kitchen table full of rosemary drying out, which will be used in some amazing winter cooking and I’ll probably make a few more rosemary smudge sticks. Colin and I actually put sage & rosemary essential oils (which we buy from Young Living) in our bedroom every night, which actually helps me to sleep. Both herbs are helpful with promoting healthy liver function – and if you’ve been following along with my personal health & spiritual journey, you’d know that one of my favourite people is my friend and Traditional Chinese Medicine Practitioner. We work a lot to release energies that seem to get stuck in my liver and gallbladder area, which manifests into digestive issues if I am not staying ahead of it.
So, the last few years, what I’ve actually been doing is basically a complete detox of my humanness. After the purge, while we were getting ready to The Beach House in October, a lot changed. There wasn’t as much clutter, which offered some space and room to make better decisions. To connect with myself. To have far more highs than lows. To make time in my day to wrap fresh rosemary into a smudge stick from the garden of one of my favourite friends after taking my husband on a day trip to Vancouver to see one of his favourite musicians for his birthday.
Tonight, reflecting on all of this, I feel so calm. Nothing about my life has ever been calm before. There has only ever been chaos. Who knew that it would be spices and smoke that would help to bring me back to this, with wide outstretched and loving arms, peace.
Also, now I have Cinders & Smoke stuck in my head because of the title of this blog. Now maybe you will, too!