March 8th Is A Beautiful Day

Do you have a number that shows up in your life every so often? You know, like a number that catches your attention whenever it pops up in a meaningful way. Maybe you always look at the clock at the same time or something like that.

The year my brother died numbers began to take meaning on a spiritual level for me. He was born on July 8th, which had no significance as one single isolated day other than it was the birth of my best friend and first brother, closest to me in all ways possible. So, of course July 8th was pretty significant, just not any reason for JULY or the number 8 to jump out atcha. Of course. And then the number 8 made a second and third appearance on the same unfortunate day, 12 years ago today. My brother’s life lasted a mere 20 years and 8 months exactly, as he passed away in the early morning hours of March 8th, 2008.

Shawn-and-I

If you’ve not lost someone close to you what happens is the date of their death, especially for the first year, is unbearably dreadful. If I’m being honest, I don’t remember much of the first year Shawn died, but what I do know is feeling like I couldn’t breathe every time the calendar flipped to the 8th of a month. It consumes you and just living is excruciating. It was that way for me for a long time.

Fast forward to August of that same year and my brother’s already devastated group of very close friends lost another beautiful soul to an unexpected tragedy on 08-08-08.

bike-shawn

It’s just a coincidence, you think. Sometimes you might even try to see these numbers in places. The truth is I don’t see the number 8, not while I am out. I don’t always look at the clock when it’s 8:00pm. (I certainly NEVER look at the clock when it’s 8:00am haha.) Although, in my personal life, I now understand it completely.

8 is when I meet someone invaluable, when something new begins.

8 is also when I say goodbye to something. When something ends.

8 represents significant change.

 


 

I met my husband in August (8th month) of 2011.

Two weeks later I was in my little blue convertible on the open road driving ten hours back to see if this truly was the connection I thought it was. (Spoiler alert!)

Immediately, we knew. It was. That connection was real, it was magical and it was stronger than just the start of “maybe this could work”.

This was “it”. Just like they say it happens in the fairy tales. Sometimes love is like that.

And that day will forever mark history in our books, and now, because of that wild woman’s windy-top-down-cruisin-music-a-blarin’ drive and won’t-take-no-for-an-answer attitude, it marks history in the making for Macy, too.

September 8th, 2011

first-date

Just look at those babies!

Our fateful day. The beginning. Changing 8 to mean something positive and magical rather than a day filled with weight and dread. And because of exactly that we decided we would also get married on the 8th, and we did. We eloped one month shy of our 4th anniversary together on August 8th, 2015 and while this date was chosen by us, we did so to continue the magic of changing this significant number to mean more than death and instead to mean love and fate.

august-8th

8 is when I meet someone invaluable, when something new begins.

8 is also when I say goodbye to something. When something ends.

8 represents significant change.

 


 

And then, in our 8th year together, our daughter was born.

She made her way into this world fashionably late and not a moment too soon. Her due date was December 2nd, 2019 but we knew she wouldn’t be coming on that day. It was too close, too much of a coincidence. 

macy-juliette

Macy Juliette was born, making us parents, on December 8th, 2019. She completed our family and created an infinite bond between Colin and I. She is a ham, a sweet little love filled with stories and wonder. She’s the little love of our lives.

And! Of course! The 8th!

macys-baby-shower

I’m not sure why, but once the initial years of trauma and grief had subsided and I began to heal from my brother’s death, I started to see the good. I chose to see the happiness in a horrific situation. An 8 is the sign for infinity if drawn sideways. We all know that, and for the longest time just this minor tweak in mindset helped my heart to cope with my loss. There was an understanding of his legacy, that living in a world where I only saw “what if’s” and “if only’s” was completely unfair to his memory. Who he was and what he accomplished and how he made people feel – living with his memory was how I would honour his legacy. It wasn’t fair to wonder what he would be doing now. And then one day, rather than dread March 8th and lay in bed all day like I did for months after he passed away…

Shawn0-and-I

I began to celebrate March 8th.

And now that our daughter was born on the 8th, especially for the first year, we will always celebrate that day in each month with her. Like today, for example. 

 

Today Shawn has been gone for 12 years.

Today Colin and I have shared a life together for 8.5 years.

Today Macy J is 3 months old.

 

And now 12 times a year I am reminded of all of my favourite people and also reminded that magic is infinite. Love is everywhere. And even in tragedy there is beauty.

You just have to be willing to see it.

 

With Purpose,

Tonia

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