3 Signs You Are Ready To Heal

Life changes on a dime when something tragic happens to you. It can feel like your life stops. Do you know that song by Reba McIntyre with the line, “I guess the world didn’t stop for my broken heart”. True, right?

Personally, there have been times where I didn’t come back up for air for years after suffering some incredible losses in my own life. I know it can take a very long time before you’re ready to start putting one foot in front of the other again.

The hope, though, is that you will.

Let me tell you a quick story about living after loss that I witnessed as a young child that helped to transform my life.

My great grandpa, Dee, was a pretty great man and I have talked about him fondly in a bit of a memorial style blog that you can read here, called I will Plant Carrots. Anyway, this man really taught me some of my most precious and valuable lessons in life - and decades after this amazing man passed away he is still teaching me.

I recently realized that he not only instilled a vision of what unconditional love looks like but also what a lifetime of happiness can look like after healing from tremendous loss. You see, his wife and the love of his life passed away in their fifties and my Great Grandpa Dee lived to be 94 years old. His wife's hairbrush and toothbrush still rested on the bathroom sink and her robe still hung behind the door. He grew a beautiful fruit and vegetable garden, taught us great grandchildren how to do cartwheels and took us for ice cream down the street. He lived. My Great Grandpa was also born in 1900 and lived through both world wars and the Great Depression. He has seen grief, and he was such a loving and sweet man. He knew pain and suffering and he also knew healing.

We all deserve to live our extraordinary lives again, especially after grief and trauma.

... but how do you know you are ready?


The First Sign You Are Ready To Heal

You're reading this blog. 

Kidding... but also that is true. You are curious about healing - that's a pretty darn good sign you're ready to at least see what that might look like. You're curious about what other people might be doing and if they're ok being out in the real world again. You might be looking for proof that it's possible to feel ok again. 

Doing research is a sure sign that you're on your way. Maybe you're not quite ready to pounce, but you're ready to learn and that's as good a first step as any.


The Second Sign You Are Ready To Heal

You are tired. 

You are tired of:

  • feeling depressed
  • being lonely
  • being angry
  • feeling drained
  • isolating yourself
  • feeling guilty for feeling (or wanting to feel) happy
  • your own (bull)shit
Let me expand on that last note. Your own bullshit can be the fear that you give into, the excuses you make to stay stuck (in your pyjamas, in the comfort of your current situation, in your limiting beliefs) and of course feeling like you don’t deserve to be happy again. This is all overwhelming and so it feels easier to ignore it - trust me, I know - until you just can’t ignore it anymore.

 Something needs to change. And one thing we know for sure is the sun will always rise. When we’re ready to see its beauty, we are ready to get started.




The Third Sign You Are Ready To Heal


You are looking to connect. You're ready to come up for air and take a look around to see what the world has been up to since you've been busy surviving. 

Chances are things look a little differently now and that's ok. You can move as slowly or as quickly as you want now that you have made it this far.

Healing from trauma is a journey and one that doesn't have a road map or a timeline. A to of the work is done on your own but having a safe community to talk things through with can be a great way to gain perspective and to feel like you are not alone. This can be messy work, I get that. I did it alone, but you don't have to.

Here are just a few of the resources I have personally used, recommend or lead!

Books:


Podcasts:


  • Monthly subscription based community for a fraction of the cost of seeing a Registered Clinical Counsellor on your own + 4 weekly community conversations & discussions pertaining to trauma and grief symptoms and how we are moving through healing them in our own lives
  • Monthly LIVE sessions with our counsellor who specializes in grief and trauma + other special guests
  • A community of non-judgemental, supportive and beautiful humans to help you feel safe and cared for
For more information about The Good Healing Habit and how you can join today, click here.


We have important work to do!

With Purpose,

Tonia
Check Out Our Programs


 


The Step From Grief To Healing

The Step From Grief To Healing










When I was going through the darkest times of my life, friends added me to support groups.

Groups for:

✔️ Sibling loss
✔️ Birth trauma
✔️ NICU (neonatal intentisve care unit) support
✔️ Emotionally abusive relationships
✔️ Breaking the cycle with your own children
✔️ Losing a loved one to suicide
✔️ Losing a loved one to overdose
✔️ Losing a loved one to cancer

The lists of support groups carries on and on and no matter what anyone goes through, there is a support group for that.


My first thoughts about these groups is that I’m so glad they exist. My second thought is, how do we take the next step from these groups to move successfully through to healing?

I have lost a lot of people in my life.

Both of my parents are living and I do not have a relationship with either of them. One by my choice, one by theirs.

I struggle to maintain relationships with *most* people because of what I have been through.

I’m working on healing now, and do you know what I can’t do when I belong to groups like I’ve listed above?

I can’t heal.

When I was younger my room mate took his own life in our home. I don’t need to be reminded of this every time a new person joins the group and tells us their story.

Five months before my first room mate died, a childhood friend passed away after an overdose. I visited him in the hospital for a week and begged for him to open his eyes but he was gone. I don’t need to be reminded over and over again of something that happened HALF of my lifetime ago. I was eighteen exactly eighteen years ago.

And by the time I was 18 I had also experienced the death of my Great Grandpa, my Nanny (whom my daughter is named after), two childhood best friends, an aunt and many others.

Then, at 23, my brother died, and whatever loose fitting threads were holding my family together were unwound.

I was afraid to answer my phone, especially if it rang in the night.

I was afraid for Colin to be out late at night at band rehearsal because I couldn’t sleep if he wasn’t home and safe.

My fear of abandonment can still get the better of me at 36 years old. Especially when your own mother doesn’t love you - there are deeply rooted nurturing needs wrongly wired when you grow up in an environment starved for proper love from your own mother. Imagine the fear that could run wild through me as a mother to my own daughter now if i wasn’t doing incredible healing work.

And of course, my own trauma bringing this love of my life into the world. I suffered some very intense birth trauma at the hands of a medical professional whose job was to protect me and instead she assaulted me. Add to that a NICU stay after nearly losing my baby because of completely neglectful hospital staff.

My point is, my friends, I have been through more than I even want to think about.

Which is why these groups I’ve listed above, they’re not serving me anymore. And I know many of you in support groups for things you no longer need to be retraumatized by, instead you, too, are ready to turn the page and get back to living your life.

For five years after ending my relationship with my own mother things got much worse for me before they turned a corner and got better. Just because you leave a toxic environment doesn’t mean you’ve fixed the problems. There is important work to do - and that piece of the puzzle that was missing for me?

It didn’t exist. So I created it myself.

The Good Healing Habit.

For too many years I have been doing really ugly, messy, LONELY work by myself and sometimes that has caused more grief, which I do not need more of.

Healing from trauma is sometimes horribly painful. It’s true that we like to lick our wounds in private, but it is also true that when we come out to look around, it sure is relieving to be surrounded by a supportive, non-judgemental community there waiting to just sit with you.

Because when it comes time that a GRIEF group no longer serves its purpose of cameraderie about your loss or traumatic experience, the act of just being there can keep you stuck. Sad.

This new kind of group is the opposite! We offer opportunity to take actionable steps towards moving forward in your own life. The philosophy is that we are all able to live the extraordinary lives we dream of, but we can’t do that when we are stuck in perpetual states of grief and suffering. HEALING is possible for anyone, no matter the trauma or grief you’ve experienced, no matter the family you were born into and no matter the circumstances that have affected you.

The Good Healing Habit is about your future.

The Good Healing Habit is about today.

The Good Healing Habit is about YOU.

The Good Healing Habit is about who you have always been underneath all of those suits of armour you’ve been wearing.

Yikes, it’s heavy. The good news is that you put it all on, and you’ll be surprised that you know exactly how to take it all off again.

Join our community here: https://toniaandcolin.com/page/the-good-healing-habit

We have important work to do. 

With Purpose,

Tonia

Check Out Our Programs


 


 
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