We knew that our blog, Everything With A {PURPOSE}, would be only that, the point is to share only when you have something to share and not for the sake of sharing just because. So, we've taken a hiatus for the last two months after writing Leave Your Suitcase At The Door. It was like I didn't have anything else to say. Period. There is no way to be sure how many times I've read it over and over again, almost surprised at myself and at how perfectly written it is. It exactly reveals that day to a T. I poured my soul out into that blog and I haven't had anything else anywhere near as profound to say since. And that's ok.
It was a time to stop talking and do a lot of listening, observing, watching. Oh, the treasures this has brought and the amazing amount of epiphanies that come at a time when you're taking in information with very little output. Fascinating how quickly you reconnect with your intuition, when you're this inquisitive and paying attention for the answers.
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It was important to quiet all of the noise for a while. Writing is impossible when you're in this kind of transition. So we did a lot of reading, writing in a journal and something we find so helpful that we encourage all people to really do - talk it all through with your spouse and those closest to you. I sat on my mat a lot. I meditated a lot. We read and we watched a lot of interviews with people who inspired us and even watched a few flicks.
One of those flicks Colin and I were watching was 'Pursuit of Happyness' with Will Smith. Colin had seen it before but not for years and I hadn't seen it at all. We want to share our perspective of the whole concept.

Everyone suffers the exact same way, it's just different.

We all suffer. You're not special. I'm not special. We're not special. Suffering is the human condition and no one gets to skip pain, or pleasure, for that matter. It's a fundamental part of humanness. It's why we strive to do and be better humans - which is why this movie is so appropriately named. Happiness is not ever something you can weigh, hold, shackle or chain. You are only ever in the pursuit of it.
Think of emotions the same way. Nothing lasts forever - emotions all end. Pleasure, pain, sorrow, delight, and even laughter. We live somewhere in between happy and sad most of the time with a pendulum that swings sometimes to the far right and sometimes to the far left.

Nothing anyone does is because of you

Everything anyone ever does is because of them. This is one of the hardest lessons I have had to face yet, understanding that I am completely in control of myself - because for many years I have felt out of control. You can't hone in that control until you realize that YOU have it. Not one single other person is to blame for your failures, nor are they to blame for your successes.
You know when you read something so profound and you think, damn! That was so obvious! That's because it is completely obvious and you've heard the thing time and time again but maybe you weren't ready to hear it.
In the movie, Christopher asks his dad, "Did mommy leave because of me?", to which his dad responds, "No! Mommy didn't leave because of you. Mommy left because of mommy'.
This really was a layered lesson and one that we have spent many a night lately chatting about, usually propped up in bed with a glass of wine as we wind down - we're not those normal humans who do that in the living room. Colin especially just loves to be in our bedroom space. So we talk a lot about understanding that our actions and thoughts are all chosen by us. Reactions - still us. Someone calls you a bitch and you immediately get mad? You chose to give them power over who you actually think you are. Are you a bitch? Right? Does it even matter if you are or if you aren't? The answer is no.
What if you go one step further. Our emotional pain attached to another human being is our own doing and finally realizing that you're in control of this - even though initially it sounds like complete madness - I know. If Tonia continually allowed herself to grieve the loss of a mother, or more accurately, whatever she felt like a mother ought to be, that is her choice entirely and no one else can make her continue to grieve this. The actions causing the pain aren't there anymore. Pain is actually gone now, but the suffering isn't IF she chooses not to let it go.
Why?

We haven't learned the lesson of the pursuit of happyness yet.

Today, while driving around, a thought occurred. The only moment I am living in is now and there is no immediate threat, no pain, no joy. Contentment is here in this moment now as you read through this blog. Contentment is knowing that what happened isn't happening anymore and it's not happening again. The moment, the person, the pain, pleasure, grief... it's been gone for a long time and it's time to close the door and keep on going. Ready to pursue the next moment of life - happiness and sadness in their varying degrees must ebb and flow and happen as we move through life. That's it - as simple as that.
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You don't need a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a lover, a husband, a wife, a dog, a preacher, a mantra, a yoga pose. We were blaming something else for our 'un' happiness, because we're really busy believing that we can hold happiness in our hands and one day arrive 'there' and forevermore live in this bliss.
Nope.
You're already there in every moment that you forgive, move on, take a step forward, read a book, kiss your spouse, wash your hair, sing to one of your favourite songs, drink your favourite glass of wine with the perfect cheese pairing, float in the lake, smell the scent of your favourite essential oil diffusing as you write in your favourite blog.
 

 
There's been a lot of reflection happening in our home. We say, "I'm so proud of you" to one another, like, a LOT right now. There's a spiritual growth spirt happening here and it's why we've been so quiet. We're not saying anything that someone else has already said - we're just putting it out there in a someone-already-said-it-and-we're-just-repeating-it-in-our-own-words kinda way.
Try spending some time in contentment appreciating the pendulum, knowing that everything, including emotion, is temporary. We'll all enjoy the pursuit much better this way.
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With Purpose,
T & C
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