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The Comfort Zone Myth and How To Break Free From Fear


Five years ago I started working on myself in a new way. I was reading a different kind of book - the ones that challenged me to step out of my comfort zone.

Interesting words.

Comfort zone. Some synonyms for comfort zone:

- fear of rejection
- fear of success
- excuses
- lack of confidence
- etc

Does any of that sound familiar to you? It was for me and it was exhausting, living in my “comfort” zone.

Five years ago I started reading some pretty motivational stories written by pretty inspirational people. Deep down I knew I had a lot of work to do to because I had lost myself in so much grief over so many years of loss and emotional abuse. I’d turned into someone I didn’t want to be and five years ago I made a few drastic decisions to choose better for myself.

My comfort zone was keeping me from my own responsibility to heal. It was also keeping me from being able to process deeply rooted emotions that I didn’t have any clue how to deal with back then. Anxiety attacks, insomnia and a lot of fear ruled my life. Something had to give because I couldn’t live this way anymore.

I recognized something that was pretty tough to admit. I was just lost without a purpose. Struggling to make sense of some serious and other not-so-serious symptoms of trauma, I read and I read and I read.

The irony here is that I started my Young Living business five years ago and I was actually reading these books because they were helping me with my fear of what people might think of me for wanting to better my life. I was reading books like You Are A Badass (you can find that fabulous book here —-> You Are A Badass Book) so I could overcome those fears - and what I did was so much more than that. At the beginning of each chapter there is a quote in the middle of the page. One of those quotes changed my life and kicked my healing journey into high gear. It was a time in my life where I was feeling immense pain both physically and emotionally. I was sick, sad, lost, angry, confused.

“Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past” - Lily Tomlin

Read that again.

I have lived by this quote and reminded myself of it almost daily ever since. It rocked my world, this one little line compacted with everything I needed to understand that healing meant letting go of being a victim of circumstance.

I am not alone.

Are you reading this and feeling like you’re on this same journey? Or parts of it?

You don’t have to go through a car accident or an abusive relationship to feel grief or to go through a traumatic experience.

You don’t have to live in your “comfort” zone in order to avoid the pain - AND ultimately avoid the joy.

It’s been five years since You Are A Badass landed in my lap and since then I’ve read a hundred books just like it. One of the reasons I’ll stress the importance of reading (or listening to podcasts - one of my favourites is Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations, or you can also check out online reading options like Audible) is that you take a break from the looping of your own inside voice. We all have that voice which constantly seems to be chattering away to us, and if you’re not sure what I’m talking about - you haven’t become aware of this tricky little voice yet.

Typically this voice is saying things over and over to keep you safe, except safe doesn’t always mean better. In this case, safe means “you’re right, you’re definitely not good enough to try that, you might hurt yourself” or “remember what happened last time we dated someone, you got your heart broken, so no, we are saying no to that date”. That little voice can be trained to say more positive things like, “oh heck yes we are risking our damn lives, we lived last time we jumped and look at where we are now. What does Mel Robbins say? 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - GO!”

It’s risky business to start your healing journey because you don’t know what will be on the other side. It’s scary to say good bye to people because you don’t know what your life will look like without them or if you’re making the right choice.

Not making a choice is also... a choice.

Your comfort zone keeps you safe in a way that you don’t have to do anything new.

Your comfort zone can be the thing keeping you small, hurt, stuck, suffering, depressed.

I decided I wanted to live my extraordinary life and not be the girl whose brother died. Who is estranged from her mother. Whose dad disappeared. Whose roommate killed himself. Five years ago those things would have defined me.

Grief and trauma take hold of your life in ways that we sometimes don’t even realize. Those deeply rooted emotions that get stuck in our bodies can do a lot of harm to us physically and emotionally.

I’m so grateful to have The Good Healing Habit to commit my efforts to sharing and healing together as a community. If you’re doing this work and you’re feeling alone, this community is for you. If you are doing this work and you want community around you to keep you accountable, this community is for you.

I wish I didn’t have to go through my healing journey alone, and so if you feel that same way, I hope you’ll join us.

Join The Good Healing Habit

With Purpose,

Tonia



 
Our Favourite Amazon Prime Special of 2020


—-> —-> Some of the links in this article are affiliate links.  Help support our family by purchasing products you need through the links from this page.  If you buy something based on our recommendation, we might earn a small commission for referring you.


Colin and I have been Amazon Prime members now off and on for over a year and honestly - we love it. I am personally the kind of person who hits “purchase” and immediately wants to see a confirmation email followed directly by a tracking number. It is apparently PRIME DAYS and there are some pretty incredible deals October 12th and 14th - check out all of those deals here —-> https://amzn.to/2IlSUpm 

Last month Colin and I bought an Echo Plus 2nd Gen from Amazon (deals for this guy ended a while ago so check way down at the end of this blog for the 3rd gen dots!), which we got on sale through Amazon Prime (Prime is free for the first month, and so of course we were jumping on that to get our ‘Alexa’ for half price. Crazy since we had just looked a month before and it was $199. We wanted one for the lake next summer to be able to play music while hanging outside. Fumbling around with our phones is not something we want to have to worry about and the convenience of an Echo - wow! What a difference. We linked our Spotify account and now with a super simple command she plays amazon music or Spotify in a second flat. 

Amazon also emails you mini updates about your Alexa and how to communicate with her or explore other features. Here are a few of our favourites so far: 

  • Being able to check the weather just simply by asking Alexa is so convenient. 
  • Speaking of convenience, setting a timer for this baker - incredible! 
  • Song Quiz is any Name-That-Tune fanatic’s game - play with your friends or play online and have Alexa match an opponent for you
  • Akinator - basically this is an extension of the game 20 questions but about characters, any character you can dream up, Alexa will try and guess who you’re thinking of. So. Much. Fun.
  • Ask, “Alexa, announce dinner is ready!” But make sure you say “dinner is ready” very animated - it records your own voice in the announcement after she rings a dinner bell. Hilarious.
This is such a fun buy but also incredible if you’re looking for some extra convenience and fun in your life, this is worth every penny. This sale is unreal for Prime members. 

The little Echo Dots are $24.99 so you could have a few in your home if you want one in the bathroom (who doesn’t love singing in the shower?) or another in your basement. You can’t beat that price and these things are incredible. Our only regret is we wished we had bought them sooner. Our 10 month old daughter thinks it’s wild that this little thing talks to us. She can’t quite pronounce her name correctly but she randomly shouts out “adaaaata!” and outstretches her arm towards the kitchen counter. Hilarious, guys.

When she’s feeling playful we say, “Alexa, Simon Says hi Macy you are looking so beautiful today” or “Alexa, Simon Says, Macy we are having pancakes for breakfast, come on over to the kitchen!” and when Alexa repeats Macy’s eyes just light right up. So fun.

I typically use our Echo Plus for setting timers when I’m baking and when the alarm goes off Macy is quick too get my attention because she knows COOKIES are coming!!

You won’t regret these purchases, I know we don’t. And right now you can get them even cheaper than we did but hurry because the sale end today!!

The Echo Dots —-> https://amzn.to/2H2iIGC

Happy Shopping!

With Purpose,

Tonia 





 
3 Signs You Are Ready To Heal


Life changes on a dime when something tragic happens to you. It can feel like your life stops. Do you know that song by Reba McIntyre with the line, “I guess the world didn’t stop for my broken heart”. True, right?

Personally, there have been times where I didn’t come back up for air for years after suffering some incredible losses in my own life. I know it can take a very long time before you’re ready to start putting one foot in front of the other again.

The hope, though, is that you will.

Let me tell you a quick story about living after loss that I witnessed as a young child that helped to transform my life.

My great grandpa, Dee, was a pretty great man and I have talked about him fondly in a bit of a memorial style blog that you can read here, called I will Plant Carrots. Anyway, this man really taught me some of my most precious and valuable lessons in life - and decades after this amazing man passed away he is still teaching me.

I recently realized that he not only instilled a vision of what unconditional love looks like but also what a lifetime of happiness can look like after healing from tremendous loss. You see, his wife and the love of his life passed away in their fifties and my Great Grandpa Dee lived to be 94 years old. His wife's hairbrush and toothbrush still rested on the bathroom sink and her robe still hung behind the door. He grew a beautiful fruit and vegetable garden, taught us great grandchildren how to do cartwheels and took us for ice cream down the street. He lived. My Great Grandpa was also born in 1900 and lived through both world wars and the Great Depression. He has seen grief, and he was such a loving and sweet man. He knew pain and suffering and he also knew healing.

We all deserve to live our extraordinary lives again, especially after grief and trauma.

... but how do you know you are ready?


The First Sign You Are Ready To Heal

You're reading this blog. 

Kidding... but also that is true. You are curious about healing - that's a pretty darn good sign you're ready to at least see what that might look like. You're curious about what other people might be doing and if they're ok being out in the real world again. You might be looking for proof that it's possible to feel ok again. 

Doing research is a sure sign that you're on your way. Maybe you're not quite ready to pounce, but you're ready to learn and that's as good a first step as any.


The Second Sign You Are Ready To Heal

You are tired. 

You are tired of:

  • feeling depressed
  • being lonely
  • being angry
  • feeling drained
  • isolating yourself
  • feeling guilty for feeling (or wanting to feel) happy
  • your own (bull)shit
Let me expand on that last note. Your own bullshit can be the fear that you give into, the excuses you make to stay stuck (in your pyjamas, in the comfort of your current situation, in your limiting beliefs) and of course feeling like you don’t deserve to be happy again. This is all overwhelming and so it feels easier to ignore it - trust me, I know - until you just can’t ignore it anymore.

 Something needs to change. And one thing we know for sure is the sun will always rise. When we’re ready to see its beauty, we are ready to get started.




The Third Sign You Are Ready To Heal


You are looking to connect. You're ready to come up for air and take a look around to see what the world has been up to since you've been busy surviving. 

Chances are things look a little differently now and that's ok. You can move as slowly or as quickly as you want now that you have made it this far.

Healing from trauma is a journey and one that doesn't have a road map or a timeline. A to of the work is done on your own but having a safe community to talk things through with can be a great way to gain perspective and to feel like you are not alone. This can be messy work, I get that. I did it alone, but you don't have to.

Here are just a few of the resources I have personally used, recommend or lead!

Books:


Podcasts:


  • Monthly subscription based community for a fraction of the cost of seeing a Registered Clinical Counsellor on your own + 4 weekly community conversations & discussions pertaining to trauma and grief symptoms and how we are moving through healing them in our own lives
  • Monthly LIVE sessions with our counsellor who specializes in grief and trauma + other special guests
  • A community of non-judgemental, supportive and beautiful humans to help you feel safe and cared for
For more information about The Good Healing Habit and how you can join today, click here.


We have important work to do!

With Purpose,

Tonia